MGC2C: Lulu Snake's Glorious ReVamp!
by THE Lulu Snake
Summary: Yes, it's back. Everyone arm your children and hide your Mothers, Lulu, Solid and the Gang are back and not quite as better than ever. Six chapters up, three more coming when my brain works properly....
1. Chapter One: First Encounter

Disclaimer: Metal Gear Solid NOR Space Ghost NOR FFX, NOR KoF, NOR anything else are my creations. Except for Myself (Lulu Snake), Dave, C.M. Crocker, Orlando Bloom (*drools all over keyboard* ^o^; ), Saddam Hussein (That fucking Bastard.), or any Bands, ( I LUV U X-JAPAN! XOXO). Those are real people and crap. Don't rip them off from me in a direct sense, or I'll have Big Boss and Solidus hurt you. And when I say 'Direct Sense', I mean using them the same way I did, or directly copying MY concept. 'Cause if that happened, Legs will be broken and Horseheads will be in beds. Ask my permission first!!! If you ask nicely, I'll gladly let you BORROW the concept...- Lulu "Snake" Leonhart.  
  
Solid Snake *sits behind his desk*  
  
Psycho Mantis ....  
  
Revolver Ocelot ......  
  
Solid Are you two gonna start the show or not!?  
  
Mantis I should hop over this key board and kick you in the---  
  
Solid Shut up!  
  
Ocelot *laughs from the control room*  
  
Solid Shut up, Ocelot!  
  
Mantis *laughs along with Ocelot*  
  
Solid What is so damned funny!?  
  
Both at the same time Nooooooooooooothing.  
  
Solid .....  
  
Ocelot Hmmm... who's our guest this week?  
  
Solid Mei Ling!  
  
Mantis Not that broad!  
  
Ocelot So, baby, wanna go out on a date with a Russian Stud?  
  
Mei Ling Snake, help me...  
  
Solid Ocelot, how many times have I told you -NOT- to hit on the sexy guests!?  
  
Ocelot ......  
  
Mantis ......  
  
Solid Hey Mei Ling...  
  
*On the screen by Snake's desk, Mei Ling's face appears*  
  
Mei Ling Hey Snake!  
  
Solid Soooo....  
  
Mantis ....  
  
Ocelot Are you currently seeing anyone?  
  
Solid *aims his arm at Mantis* Shut up or I'll blast you!  
  
Mantis I didn't say anything, you fucking idiot!  
  
Solid SOCOM RAY! *pulls his SOCOM out and shoots once*  
  
Mantis *is charred black, along with his keyboard* .....  
  
Ocelot *uses his control to make Mei Ling disappear from Solid's screen*  
  
Solid !?  
  
Ocelot *busts out laughing*  
  
Transmission Interrupted  
  
Meryl is shown with Hal, they are both reading Manga  
  
Hal I'm bored.  
  
Meryl .........  
  
Hal Meryl.... talk...  
  
Meryl ........  
  
Hal .....stop that. Your scaring me...  
  
Meryl ......  
  
Hal STOP THAT, DAMN YOU!  
  
Meryl ......FINE!  
  
Transmission Recieved  
  
Ocelot Snake, do you like tea?  
  
Solid I'm not particularily fond of it. Why?  
  
Ocelot Just wondering..  
  
Mantis *snickers loudly*  
  
Ocelot *does so as well*  
  
Solid Okay, now I know something is up!  
  
Ocelot I like Bacon!  
  
Solid Don't talk like Liquid! I don't care about that dolt!  
  
Mantis Oooo.... you hit a sore spot, Ocelot.... poke it some more!  
  
Ocelot I hear Liquid's show is doing better.  
  
Solid ......  
  
Mantis Aww, what's the matter, Solid?  
  
Solid If he's doing so well, then why aren't you two losers with him?  
  
Ocelot Because he won't hire us.  
  
Mantis Because he is fucking gay!  
  
Solid ......I....... see.....  
  
Ocelot Tea is good for you.  
  
Mantis ........  
  
Solid God, I wish I were dead.  
  
Mantis That can be arranged!  
  
Solid *blasts Mantis with SOCOM Ray*  
  
Mantis *is shown again as a charred black mass with two white eyes, blinking. His key board is also blackened, as is the wall behind him*  
  
Solid *goes Stealth and jumps from behind his desk and runs at Mantis*  
  
Mantis *reads a book titled "How to read the Mind of the Good Guy that is Running at you in Stealth"*  
  
Solid *tackles Mantis and drags him out from behind the Key Board*  
  
Mantis *focuses his powers on Solid's mind*  
  
Solid *pulls out a large monkey wrench and hits Mantis in the head with it many times*  
  
Ocelot *opens the doors as a truck wheels in, Raiden hiding in a cardboard box*  
  
Raiden .........  
  
Solid *mercilessly beats Mantis' head in still*  
  
Mantis *lays there , motionless* @.x;  
  
Truck drops off the cardboard box Raiden is in, then pulls out, the doors shutting behind it  
  
Raiden ........  
  
Solid *stops beating on Mantis long enough to see the box* .........?  
  
Mantis @.x;  
  
Raiden *jumps out of the box and grabs the wrench from Solid, busting open all the pipes in the building, letting gas into the air*  
  
Ocelot *chuckles like an idiot and speaks in a high pitched Russian tone* Raiden had a good idea!  
  
Solid *sounds like a giggling school girl* This is more funny than...... than any funny movie ever made...  
  
Transmission Interrupted  
  
-- On the next Episode of Metal Gear Coast to Coast....  
  
Announcer Man Will Solid get revenge on his brother? Will Liquid kick Solid's ass? And most of all.... what in the hell are Mantis and Ocelot doing with Snake, anyhow?  
  
LuLu You know why they're with him?  
  
Hal Will I get a cookie if I tell them?  
  
LuLu You'll get more than a cookie...  
  
Hal *gets a nosebleed* Uhh.... because you tried to replicate Space Ghost Coast to Coast as much as possible?  
  
LuLu ^-^ You got it, Hal!  
  
Hal *faints, nose still bleeding*  
  
Announcer o_o;  
  
LuLu *sweatdrops* C'mon, Hal. Let's go watch Akira. *drags the fainted, bleeding Hal away*  
  
Announcer Join us next time on....... METAL GEAR, COAST TO COAST!!! 


	2. Chapter Two: Liquid's Show

Disclaimer: Metal Gear Solid NOR Space Ghost NOR FFX, NOR KoF, NOR anything else are my creations. Except for Myself (Lulu Snake), Dave, C.M. Crocker, Orlando Bloom (*drools all over keyboard* ^o^; ), Saddam Hussein (That fucking Bastard.), or any Bands, ( I LUV U X-JAPAN! XOXO). Those are real people and crap. Don't rip them off from me in a direct sense, or I'll have Big Boss and Solidus hurt you. And when I say 'Direct Sense', I mean using them the same way I did, or directly copying MY concept. 'Cause if that happened, Legs will be broken and Horseheads will be in beds. Ask my permission first!!! If you ask nicely, I'll gladly let you BORROW the concept...- Lulu "Snake" Leonhart.  
  
Lulu *whines* Come ONNNNNNNNN! I need Ideas, people!  
  
Snake Yeah, Lulu went with Dorothy, her doggie, Mantis and Ocelot to the Wizard last week and he said that he could only give out one brain a year. It seemed Ocelot was first in line....  
  
Lulu *flips Snake the bird* Anywho, please give me ideas! The same old gags just won't work. Raiden can only sneak in once and it'd be funny...  
  
Raiden o_o; I'm funny?  
  
Snake No, just shut up and look pretty...  
  
Raiden Oh, okay... *turns back to his mirror and begins to apply makeup*  
  
Lulu ^-^; Ooookay, on with the show...  
  
Metal Gear Coast to Coast  
  
Chapter 2 - Liquid's Show!  
  
Mantis *looks at the set* How come Liquid's props are cooler?  
  
Ocelot *sleeps, snoring quite loudly*  
  
Sniper Wolf *walks up, dressed like a housewife, hair pulled back and all*  
  
Mantis *laughs his ass off, pointing*  
  
Sniper *hits Mantis with a frying pan* Shut up you freak!  
  
Mantis @_@;  
  
Liquid Does my hair look good?  
  
Sniper Yes, now shut up, you fag.  
  
Liquid I'm not gay! I'm bisexual.  
  
Sniper *rolls her eyes*  
  
Ocelot *falls out of his chair* No! I don't want to go to school, Mommy!  
  
Liquid *laughs*  
  
Sniper *sighs some* I miss my home... Iraq....  
  
Liquid Sniper.... you remember what day it is today?  
  
Sniper Ummm... the day you get your nails done?  
  
Liquid That's tomorrow.  
  
Sniper The night you crossdress and sing at Gay bars?  
  
Liquid NO, DAMNIT! IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!  
  
Sniper *looks at her personal Plan Book* Oh! That is today!  
  
Liquid Ocelot, Mantis, Raven! Bring out the lady's gift!  
  
Sniper *watches as the three men roll out a large cage, covered with a red cloth*  
  
Liquid Happy birthday, my sweet...  
  
Sniper *runs up and uncovers the cage to reveal it having Otacon in it* Oh, wow! And I get to keep him!?  
  
Liquid He is all yours...  
  
Sniper *unlocks the cage and drags the Otaku out, hugging him* I'm gonna name him George!  
  
Otacon *glares at Liquid* I have a name, you know!!!  
  
Sniper It's George, damn it!  
  
Otacon, AKA George Y-Y-Yes, Ma'am.  
  
Lulu *enters*  
  
Liquid The fur will fly.... *grabs some popcorn*  
  
Lulu That's my skinny Otaku-Computer-Nerd-Smart-Cute-Jewish Guy, bitch!  
  
Sniper His name is George!! .;  
  
Lulu His name is Hal Emmerich! And you'd better let him go right now!  
  
Sniper Why?  
  
Lulu 'Cause... .ummm.... uhh...  
  
Liquid *makes a motion with his hands, to tell her to go on*  
  
Lulu Because I'm the author and I said so!  
  
Sniper My ass!  
  
Lulu *uses her Author Powers and kicks Sniper out of Liquid's Show, giving her no pay and making her transfer to Solid Snake's show*  
  
Liquid Ding dong the bitch is gone!  
  
Otacon Praise be to God!  
  
Mantis What does this mean, Lulu?  
  
Lulu It means that Otacon and me are leaving. Sniper and Raiden are co- hosts of Snakes show and you two stay with Liquid and Raven...  
  
Ocelot D-D-Do you know what Liquid will do to us!?  
  
Lulu Yeah, because I write this thing. *pulls down her lower eyelid on her right eye with her middle finger and sticks her tongue out at them* Baka! Baka, no da!?  
  
Wakka *appears out of nowhere* Quit stealing lines! .;  
  
Lulu *punts Wakka to Besaid* I'll see you on tuesday to collect my money, bitch!  
  
Otacon Lulu, your an odd woman.  
  
Lulu *Puts her arms around Otacon and walks off with him*  
  
Transmission Interrupted  
  
Solid Snake Sniper! Control your pets!  
  
Sniper I can't!  
  
Raiden *kicks back behind the keyboard and drinks a beer, combing his wig collection*  
  
Snake Good god.... I'm going to have to talk to Lulu about my contract later. *flips through it* This does not say anything about Wolf-Dogs running through the studio!  
  
Raiden *watches one of his wigs get taken by a Wolf-Dog, then screams and cries like a little girl*  
  
Snake *sighs and doesn't pay attention*  
  
Transmission Recieved  
  
Beavis (Mantis) FIRE! FIRE!  
  
Butt-head (Ocelot) Huhhuhuhuhuh... shut up, Beavis...  
  
Mantis NUUUUUUU!!! MORE FIRE! *holds a lighter*  
  
Liquid You two are begining to really get on my nerves....  
  
Raven O_o;  
  
Liquid What say you, Shaman?  
  
Raven Snake not belong in a studio with two Pyro freaks....  
  
Kimarhi *appears, slapping Raven with a lawsuit for being ripped off*  
  
Liquid Damn it, man. This is worse than Jay and Silent Bob....  
  
End  
  
Announcer Guy How.... how much does it say in my contract? Oh, oh yeah.... *clears throat* Next time on Jay and Silent Bob... *gets elbowed in the ribs by Lulu* ....I mean, next time on M.G.C.2.C.  
  
Cuts to a scene  
  
Sniper Raiden, why don't you just get implants?  
  
Raiden Too expensive.... plus, I'm not gay. I have a wife...  
  
Snake *coughs-ITSACOVERUP-coughs*  
  
Cuts scene End 


	3. Chapter Three: Idiots, Zombies and Guns,...

Disclaimer: Metal Gear Solid NOR Space Ghost NOR FFX, NOR KoF, NOR anything else are my creations. Except for Myself (Lulu Snake), Dave, C.M. Crocker, Orlando Bloom (*drools all over keyboard* ^o^; ), Saddam Hussein (That fucking Bastard.), or any Bands, ( I LUV U X-JAPAN! XOXO). Those are real people and crap. Don't rip them off from me in a direct sense, or I'll have Big Boss and Solidus hurt you. And when I say 'Direct Sense', I mean using them the same way I did, or directly copying MY concept. 'Cause if that happened, Legs will be broken and Horseheads will be in beds. Ask my permission first!!! If you ask nicely, I'll gladly let you BORROW the concept...- Lulu "Snake" Leonhart.  
  
---------------------  
  
LuLu Hey everyone! Welcome to my third instal---  
  
Dave ^o^;  
  
LuLu OH, YEAH! Meet Dave, my boyfriend!!  
  
Snake You have a boyfriend, Lu? Christ! Your so cute, I wanted to hook up!  
  
LuLu ^^; Snake, your old enough to be my Dad!  
  
LuLu's Dad You put your hands on my little girl and I'll make you wish you were gay!  
  
Snake O.O!!! *Hides in Cardboard Box*  
  
LuLu *sweatdrop* Daddy, I could have said it myself.  
  
Dave O.O  
  
LuLu Anyhow..... to the fic!  
  
Metal Gear Coast to Coast  
  
Chapter 3 - Idiots, Zombies and guns, oh my!  
  
Narrative In the 'top secret' location of Solid Snake's studio in Times Square.... just above the Star Bucks, you can't miss it, really. I mean, everyone goes to Star---- *BLAM!*  
  
Snake SILENCE!  
  
LuLu GOOD JOB! THAT'S THE SECOND FUCKING ONE THIS WEEK!  
  
Wolf *yawns and shakes her head*  
  
Raiden ..........  
  
Snake ....sorry, LuLu.  
  
LuLu It's coming outta yer monthly pay, asshole! *stomps out of the studio angerly*  
  
Snake Welcome to the show, folks. I'm your host, Solid--  
  
Raiden They know who you are, you dumb old bastard....  
  
Wolf Ouch.  
  
Snake I'm gonna come over there and kick your sorry ass, son! VR Dumbass!  
  
Raiden Bite me, you queer!  
  
Snake ....!?  
  
Wolf Our guests are here, Snake.  
  
Snake Oooo.... Jay and Silent Bob!  
  
Jay Fuckin' rock! It's my favorite guy, Solid Snake! How the fuck are you, you fucking mother fucker!?  
  
Silent Bob .........  
  
Snake I'm doin' good, man. I ain't seen ya in a while. Since that party in L.A.  
  
Jay Fuck yeah. That was when Hal got wasted like a mother fucker and had sex with Wolfie! How is that sexy bitch?  
  
Snake Otacon is fine...  
  
Silent Bob *makes hand motions*  
  
Jay Snake isn't gay, Fatass!  
  
Wolf -.-; Jill Valentine is here, Snake. *flicks Jay and Silent Bob off the screen*  
  
Jill *appears on the screen*  
  
Zombies *wander in*  
  
Raiden *screams like a small girl and hides*  
  
Jill It seems Raccoon isn't the only place that felt the pain of Umbrella, huh?  
  
Snake Hang on, Jill. *Pulls SOCOM and begins to shoot randomly at various Zombies*  
  
Zombies *all die* X.x;  
  
Jill *screams as Nemesis roars* I-I gotta go!  
  
Wolf Ach....  
  
Raiden Is it safe?  
  
Transmission Intercepted  
  
Jesse What does mine say!?  
  
Chester SWEET! Dude, what does mine say!?  
  
Jesse DUDE! Sweet, what does mine say!?  
  
Chester It says 'Sweet', dude! What does mine say?  
  
Jesse It says 'Dude'. What does mine say?  
  
Chester SWEET!!  
  
Jesse DUDE!!!  
  
Ocelot I love this movie. I hope they come out with a sequel...  
  
Liquid *is on his knees, as if praying* God.... if you truly exist.... please do NOT allow Hollywood to make a sequel to 'Dude! Where's my car?'  
  
Transmission Recieved  
  
Snake Raiden, you are so gay...  
  
Raiden I am not!  
  
Wolf ......  
  
Snake Why do you wear fucking wigs!?  
  
Raiden So? I like to look like a little girl...  
  
Snake Well, you fit the part! You act like one!  
  
Wolf *sighs*  
  
Snake ....LIAR!!!  
  
Wolf Your too fucking flat to make anyone believe your a woman, Raiden. Quit fooling yourself. Your a man!! A MAN!!!  
  
Snake *spins his SOCOM on his finger*  
  
Raiden u.u; *combs his red wig*  
  
Wolf Raiden, why don't you just get implants?  
  
Raiden Too exspensive..... plus, I'm not gay. I have a wife.  
  
Snake *cough-IT'SACOVERUP-cough*  
  
Raiden What are you suggesting?  
  
Wolf That Rose is a lesbian!  
  
Narrator Is she, really!?  
  
Raiden ......SHE IS NOT!!!  
  
Snake *snickers* Touche, Raiden.  
  
Otacon *walks in* Snake, you owe me a duel in King of Fighters!  
  
LuLu Hal, damn it..... I could always bring in the people you guys like!  
  
Snake Really? Then you could bring in that badass Yamazaki and have him punk my Bro?  
  
LuLu It'll come outta your pay. Yamazaki isn't a cheap guy to get, ya know!?  
  
Otacon Iori is my friend. I fixed his computer, so he'll come in for me.  
  
Iori ¬.¬; That woman Wolf scares me. LuLu..... uhh... you should hook her up with Terry.  
  
LuLu That means she would die in an unfortunate accident.  
  
Raiden REALLY!?  
  
LuLu Yep.  
  
Iori Well, if you go by the laws of.... uhhh... what was that other game that they're in, the one that sucks?  
  
Otacon Fatal Fury, Iori.  
  
Kyo YAGAMI! YOU OWE ME A NEW JACKET! *charges Iori*  
  
LuLu *pimp smacks Kyo to Tattooine* Say hello to Chewbacca for me, Bitch Boy!  
  
Iori LuLu, have you considered entering the King of Fighters Tourney?  
  
LuLu You think I'm KoF material?  
  
Iori Hai. ^.^;  
  
Snake *sinks down in his chair* I don't get paid enough for this crap....  
  
LuLu Damn right! Underpaid is the way! Didn't you read your contract?  
  
Snake .....dammit. Now I know I gotta get glasses....  
  
LuLu Dumbass. Anyhow, the showtime is over!  
  
Snake ......!?  
  
Raiden Now I can go to that gay bar...  
  
Wolf *points and screams* I knew it!  
  
End Transmission  
  
Narrator Next time of Dragon Ball Z!!!  
  
LuLu Iori!  
  
Iori *screams and sets the Narrator on fire*  
  
Narrator I mean, next time on Metal Gear Coast to Coast....!  
  
Transmission End 


	4. Chapter Four: In the Real World, nothing...

Disclaimer: Metal Gear Solid NOR Space Ghost NOR FFX, NOR KoF, NOR anything else are my creations. Except for Myself (Lulu Snake), Dave, C.M. Crocker, Orlando Bloom (*drools all over keyboard* ^o^; ), Saddam Hussein (That fucking Bastard.), or any Bands, ( I LUV U X-JAPAN! XOXO). Those are real people and crap. Don't rip them off from me in a direct sense, or I'll have Big Boss and Solidus hurt you. And when I say 'Direct Sense', I mean using them the same way I did, or directly copying MY concept. 'Cause if that happened, Legs will be broken and Horseheads will be in beds. Ask my permission first!!! If you ask nicely, I'll gladly let you BORROW the concept...- Lulu "Snake" Leonhart.  
  
---------------  
  
Lulu *screams bloody murder as she runs from a flaked out Jecht* Ayyyiiieeeeeeee!  
  
Jecht Come back here, you!  
  
Dave *watches, confused*  
  
Iori *does the same*  
  
Dave Iori, do something!  
  
Iori ......what should I do? *prods Kyo's dead body with a stick*  
  
Jecht *still chases the screaming Lulu*  
  
Lulu *dives behind Iori*  
  
Iori !?  
  
Jecht *attacks Iori*  
  
Dave *pulls Lulu to safety* What's this all about?  
  
Snake *munches on Pringles that have 'Jecht's Chips' written on the canister*  
  
Lulu Jecht! There are your chips!  
  
Jecht *attacks Snake*  
  
Snake *tosses the canister to Raiden and watches him get slaghtered*  
  
Chapter 4 - In the Real World, nothing costs less than 50 cents!  
  
Lulu *is sitting in Raiden's place, reading a book about Canada*  
  
Snake *brushes his mullet*  
  
Sniper *drinks a soda*  
  
Lulu Why do I have to replace that idiot Raiden?  
  
Snake Because Jecht mauled him.... then Kimahri used him as a Kitty Toy...  
  
Lulu .....you know, Snake, this is all YOUR fault.  
  
Snake Is not.  
  
Lulu Is too...  
  
Snake Is not...  
  
Lulu Is too...  
  
Dave -.-;  
  
Sniper -.-;;  
  
Snake Is not...  
  
Lulu *throws a pie at Snake* Is too!  
  
Snake *gets hit in the face with the pie... pulls the tin off his face* .....mmmm.... oreo crust...  
  
Dave Good shot, Lu...  
  
Lulu I learned from Wakka, ya? *points to Wakka*  
  
Wakka *scrubs the studio floor infront of Lulu* The things I do for love, ya?  
  
Snake Hey, what happened to Iori?  
  
Lulu He has a part time job, delivering Pizza, remember?  
  
Snake Ooooh, yeah, I remember!  
  
Lulu Need something to do to keep this show from goin' broke, ya?  
  
Sniper Yeah, including underpaying the employees....  
  
Lulu Be greatful you get paid, Otacon stealer!!  
  
Sniper *points to the cage containing Hwoarang from Tekken, more over, Tekken 4* I own him now. He's MY bitch....  
  
Hwoarang I'm going to kill Jin when I get out of here and kill you, you whore!  
  
Otacon -.-; Trying to make me jealous?  
  
Sniper Is it working?  
  
Hwoarang Is Raiden really gone?  
  
Lulu Do you like my socks?  
  
Snake Do you like my gun?  
  
Dave Why is everyone asking questions?  
  
Iori *walks in* Did someone order a pizza? *is in a Pizza Hut Uniform*  
  
Otacon Oooo.... I did!  
  
Lulu You broke the chain, Otacon, you lose!  
  
Otacon -.-; Not again.  
  
Dave This was a game?  
  
Lulu It was, wasn't it?  
  
Snake Do you like my gun?  
  
Sniper Uhh..... you said that already....  
  
Hwoarang You lose, whore!  
  
Sniper ......  
  
Hwoarang Does anyone have any hair gel?  
  
Dave What do you need it for?  
  
Transmission Interupted  
  
Yoda Use the Force, Luke....  
  
Ocelot Yeah, use the Force....  
  
Mantis Duct tape is like the Force. There is a Light side and a Dark side. And it binds the Universe together...  
  
Liquid Oooo.... I'll have to write that one down. Wisely said, Padawan Mantis....  
  
Ocelot Shaddup!!!  
  
Transmission Recieved  
  
Dave I lose!?  
  
Lulu Yeah, honey. I'm sorry.....  
  
Snake Do you like my gun?  
  
Sniper *tries to cuddle Hwoarang*  
  
Hwoarang Go after Paul.... he's older...  
  
Sniper But.... but...  
  
Hwoarang *dashes away, screaming like a lunatic* I'M FREE!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  
  
Iori *sweatdrops* Thank you and order from Pizza Hut.... *slides to the door and makes a hasty exit*  
  
Snake *yawns* This is the way I wash my gun, wash my gun, wash my gun....  
  
Doorbell Rings  
  
Lulu Since when have we had a doorbell?  
  
Dave Your the writer, sweetie.  
  
Lulu Oh, I forgot.... *goes to the proverbial 'door' and opens it up*  
  
Paul Hwoarang told me there was a party....  
  
Snake DUDE! Issat you, Pheonix, you bastard!?  
  
Paul *hauls in a keg* Yep....  
  
Lulu No Keg! No, no, no!!!!  
  
Wakka She's gonna get pissed, ya?  
  
Paul I can pay her off...  
  
Lulu How much are we talking?  
  
Paul *hands Lulu a random handful of money* Make use of that, babycakes...  
  
Lulu $.$ Righty-o, Paul-san...  
  
Snake Where'd you get all that money....?  
  
Paul Errr.... *looks around* ....I knew she'd be uptight about it...  
  
Dave ......don't talk about my Lulu like that! .;  
  
Paul *sweatdrops* Dave, buddy, you need to chill. Here, tell me where to put this keg...  
  
Lulu *drags Sniper and Hwoarang from the back* We're going shopping....!!  
  
Hwoarang Yeah.... I get to watch them try on bathing suits.... ^____________________^;;  
  
Dave, Snake, Paul and Otacon O.O!!!!!! But...! But...! *they all watch as the lucky bastard Hwoarang goes with the girls*  
  
Snake *sighs* God damn you, Paul....  
  
Paul We have beer.  
  
Otacon And anime!  
  
Dave Trigun?  
  
Paul SAILOR MOON!?  
  
Otacon I didn't know you liked Sailor Moon?  
  
Paul Yeah, Sailor Jupiter's my fave... ^o^;;  
  
Snake I'm scared. I'm gonna look up some hentai...  
  
Dave *pulls out a Mallet and slams Snake with it* Baka..... BAKA!!!!  
  
Otacon Your picking up on Japanese well, Dave.  
  
Dave Nippon Ichi!!  
  
Mai Shiranui *cries* You ripped me off!  
  
Terry Bogard *sighs* Gimme some beer, Paul. This is gonna be a long night....  
  
Three Hours later....  
  
Mai *cries still* YOUR A MEANIE PANTS RIP-OFF!!!!  
  
Terry, Paul and Snake *drunkenly sing "Big Balls" by AC/DC*  
  
Dave and Otacon *attempt to watch the Tekken movie over Mai's crying and the drunken singing* -.-;;;  
  
Lulu and Sniper *arrive with a hundred bags between them, but no Hwoarang is to be found*  
  
Jin *drags Hwoarang's body and a few bags*  
  
Lulu Jin, go take Hwoarang-ypoo to the Hospital....  
  
Jin I'll charge the bill to my Grandpa's account. =D  
  
Lulu *hugs him* You've learned, Jin.  
  
Jin *strolls off, still dragging Hwoarang*  
  
Lulu Daaaaaave...! Haaaaaaaaaal!!!  
  
Dave and Otacon *sit there like Zombies, watching Tekken*  
  
Transmission Interrupted  
  
Kazuya I will kill you, Father....  
  
Liquid, Mantis and Ocelot *bust out laughing all at once*  
  
Raven o_o; What so funny, Snake, Mantis and Ocelot?  
  
Liquid *is laughing to hard to speak*  
  
Ocelot This guy has taken too much Crack, man..... he's lost it.  
  
Raven *shakes his head and goes back to listening to his J-Pop* ^__________________^  
  
Transmission Recieved  
  
Lulu and Sniper o.o;  
  
Mai *still cries, throwing fans at Dave's head*  
  
Dave ; Stoppit.... Ouch! ....you... Ouch! ....whore!  
  
Lulu *tackles Mai and beats the living crap out of her* !!! Don't hit my Dave....!  
  
Paul *hoses them both down*  
  
All the Males O.O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Dave *loses the wide eyes and pulls out Lulu's mallet and slams all the men in the head with it*  
  
Jecht *eats his chips, then throws the canister at Paul* Time to go beat up on Tidus. See ya tomorrow, Lu-Tits...  
  
Dave O.O!!!!  
  
LuLu Oh, Yevon. You opened a can of whoop-ass, Jecht...  
  
Jecht *Uses Snake as a shield as he runs from Dave and the Mallet* Aiiiiyyyyeee!!!!  
  
LuLu *cries* I hate all you bastards!!! This show is over!!!!  
  
Transmission End  
  
Transmission Recieved  
  
Albert Wesker Voiceover Do you like action? Adventure? Getting your flesh torn off by Zombies? Well then you'll love Raccoon City!!  
  
Rebecca O.o! Albert, if your trying to up the Tourism here, don't mention the Zombies! For the love of Orochi, if something has to be done right, I guess a woman has to do it, eh!?  
  
Albert I don't believe in false advertisement, Rebecca. It's cruel and to say the least very illegal....  
  
Rebecca Your mind sometimes is very eluding to me. Why would you want people to come back...?  
  
Albert Killing Zombies and Lickers isn't much fun, you know?  
  
Rebecca Your a sick, twisted man....  
  
Albert But I'm dead sexy!!! *poses all Saiya Man like*  
  
Rebecca Take a long walk off a short pier, loser. *walks away*  
  
Albert *still poses like a moron, then sweatdrops as a Tumbleweed rolls by* Soooooooooooo! Come to Raccoon City today and get a free guide and map!!  
  
Male Voiceover Raccoon City, H.C.F. and Umbrella Inc. are not responsible for the actions of this nutcase shown. If your foolish enough to actually GO, then your ass deserves to die for being a stupid fuck anyway. Remember, Guns don't kill, Stupidity does. *this is said all fast and fine- printylike...* 


	5. Chapter Five: Chemical Warfare

Disclaimer: Metal Gear Solid NOR Space Ghost NOR FFX, NOR KoF, NOR anything else are my creations. Except for Myself (Lulu Snake), Dave, C.M. Crocker, Orlando Bloom (*drools all over keyboard* ^o^; ), Saddam Hussein (That fucking Bastard.), or any Bands, ( I LUV U X-JAPAN! XOXO). Those are real people and crap. Don't rip them off from me in a direct sense, or I'll have Big Boss and Solidus hurt you. And when I say 'Direct Sense', I mean using them the same way I did, or directly copying MY concept. 'Cause if that happened, Legs will be broken and Horseheads will be in beds. Ask my permission first!!! If you ask nicely, I'll gladly let you BORROW the concept...- Lulu "Snake" Leonhart.  
  
---------------  
  
Lulu *appears, wearing a pair of red cammoflauge pants, red tank top and a Santa hat* Welcome to the fifth installment of my fic. It's the Christmas special!  
  
Snake *is dressed like Santa* Blah, blah blah. Oh, Raiden left the show. He said it was time he moved on to 'other pastures'. Whatever that means....  
  
Lulu Sniper also moved back to Liquid's show, seeing as how I know Liquid couldn't survive with the Beavis and Butthead of Metal Gear Solid on his own. I have taken up Snipers part and the proud man to take over Raiden's part is.......  
  
Hwoarang I hate my life.....  
  
Snake Shut up, Elf...  
  
Hwoarang You know, I could tell Jecht that your the one who keeps eating his chips.  
  
Snake *tosses an empty Pringles can aside and waits for the sound of a drop. It doesn't come, instead, there is a male scream then the sound of a sword being drawn* Oh, crap....  
  
Jecht MY EYE!!! You ate my chips!!! *Attepmts to pounce Snake, but fails. He slams into the wall behind Hwoarang*  
  
Lulu *sweatdrops* Anything on this Island belongs to me, because I own it, you two Lumps! Who the fuck pays you!?  
  
Jecht and Snake DAVE!!  
  
Lulu He hands you the check every two weeks, you dumbasses! I have all the power over this Island because my Dad is Big Boss!!!  
  
Snake *screams high pitched and womanly* Your my sister!?  
  
Lulu Yes, I am!!! *holds out a paper with Snakes contract* And your ass legally belongs to me!!! *sweatdrops* Now, let's get to the show before I really lose my Birthday Cool....  
  
Chapter Five - Chemical Warfare  
  
Narrator In the Island Fortress of Lulu....  
  
Snake Why's it HER Island Fortress!?  
  
Liquid It's not fair! Dad likes her more than us! * pouts*  
  
Snake Dad bought her the whole KISS Action figure collection for Christmas.  
  
Liquid I wanted the Ramones to perform for OUR birthday.... buut nooooo..... Joey Ramone had to go and DIE!!!!  
  
Snake *sweatdrops* We could get the Dead Kennedys.....  
  
Liquid I WANT THE RAMONES!!!!  
  
Dave *entered a while ago, now just watches the two men argue* Hmmmm.... Dead Kennedys? The Ramones!? Waitaminute.....!!!! *pulls out a lap top and plugs it into the nearest phone jack, which is next to Solid Snake*  
  
Snake The Ramones are....!? *looks down at Dave* What are you doing?  
  
Dave Typing a report?  
  
Liquid LIES!  
  
Dave ......  
  
Lulu *enters* I never thought I'd see Liquid and Solid together. How about that? Plotting another Kegger while I'm on vacation?  
  
Liquid Nahh....  
  
Lulu Amazing...  
  
Liquid Your crazy, Lulu? How could you ever think up such a thing?  
  
Solid ....runs in the fucking family. Am I the only normal one?  
  
Lulu *points out the window* LOOK! IT'S MERYL SKYDIVING IN A CLOWN SUIT AND SINGING 'VIVA LAS VEGAS'!!!!  
  
Solid *runs to the window* REALLY!?  
  
Liquid Normal my ass. Dammit! Where's that Pizza I ordered!?  
  
Lulu Everyone from South Town moved to this island. The only Pizza place here is in King's Island Illusion. You have to give her a little more credit, Liquid.  
  
Solid Where...... where's Meryl at!? *continues to look*  
  
Otacon *looks out the window* Oooo! That cloud looks like Rei Ayanami!!!  
  
Solid Lemme see yer glasses, Hal! *swipes the glasses and puts them on, trying to find Meryl still*  
  
Lulu Ummm.... Solid.... errr....  
  
Solid I'm Dave!  
  
Dave No, I'm Dave!  
  
Solid I thought you changed your name to avoid this bull!  
  
Lulu .....SHUT UP SOLID!!! *hears the door bell ring, then the door opens, showing a guy in a leather jacket*  
  
Guy Who ordered the Keg and 12 Pizzas?  
  
Lulu WHAT!?  
  
Liquid, Mantis and Ocelot WE DID!  
  
Xiaoyu *pops up infront of the window Solid is staring out of and waves*  
  
Solid Lulu! Meryl's not out there!  
  
Lulu Good job, Captain Ahab!!! *claps and sweatdrops*  
  
Otacon *screams and hides behind Dave and Lulu*  
  
Lulu Nandesho Otakonu-san?  
  
Otacon Oro..... oro...!  
  
Lulu Oro...... oro.....?  
  
Otacon *points to a shadow towering over them and screams, pees his pants, then faints*  
  
Lulu Oh, Geez..... Ryuji... I told you he scares easily....  
  
Yamazaki Err...sorry. Well, as the representative of the population of South Town....  
  
Dave Oh, Lord. Here it comes.  
  
Yamazaki ...I'd like to thank you. This is a gift for you. *pulls out a rather large crate into the house*  
  
Lulu I..... I don't trust you with crates. Open it, Liquid and Solid....  
  
Liquid and Solid EXCUSE ME!?  
  
Dave It's ticking.....  
  
Lulu A bomb?  
  
Yamazaki In the name of Orochi! *busts the crate open and reveals a Hello Kitty Alarm clock and several other items*  
  
Lulu You remembered my birthday! /\_________________________/\  
  
Dave Unlike two men I know....  
  
Liquid and Solid *just stand there blankly*  
  
Lulu Davey... there's Pocky in here!  
  
Dave *blink-blink*  
  
Otacon *clears his throat* Pocky is a Japanese Candy Coated snack stick. The most popular company brand is Glico.  
  
Solid Thanks for clearing that up.  
  
Dave Your such an Otaku, Hal.  
  
Otacon I'm just an Otaku. Lulu's the Super Otaku. ^.^;  
  
Dave Lulu's just Super.  
  
Lulu *blows on the nails on her right hand and rubs them on the cloth of her shirt* I know it.  
  
Liquid And I thought I had a big ego.  
  
Solid Dave likes to boost Lulu higher than she actually is.  
  
Dave I don't know how she puts up with you two.  
  
Liquid She younger.  
  
Lulu *kicks Liquid in the head* Baka, Rikuidu-san!! BAKA!!  
  
Liquid Busu! Busu! *cowers*  
  
Otacon Samurai X all over again.  
  
Solid *points at Liquid and laughs* Coward!  
  
Lulu Soridu Jya! RAWR!  
  
Solid *screams like a woman and hides behind his desk*  
  
Lulu BAKA!!!! BAKA DA NE!! *dives after Solid and then the sounds of ass beating begins*  
  
Dave *makes several faces* Ouch.... I don't think I want to anger Lulu.... concidering the fact that.....  
  
Yamazaki I didn't know humans could bend like that..... I think Solid deserves a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records.  
  
Dave She's Orochi?  
  
Yamazaki The three of them are..... but Solidus.... I don't think so...  
  
Liquid Solidus is a loser!!!  
  
Solidus Say that to my face, Little Boy!  
  
Liquid AHHHHHH!!!! *cowers behind Dave*  
  
Dave Psht... Solidus wouldn't hurt me.  
  
Solidus Not a chance...  
  
Lulu *peeks from behind Solid's desk* Big Brother?  
  
Solid Ugh.... I'm a human Pretzel. *coughs then drops to the floor, knocked out for the next few hours*  
  
Solidus You keeping Dumb and Dumber in line?  
  
Lulu It's a dirty Job, but someones gotta do it.  
  
Solidus Here's your gift, it's not much, but it'll have to do.... *hands Lulu a box*  
  
Lulu *opens* Ooo... Lord of the Rings movie and a Legolas action figure. /\___________________/\ How'd you guess I was wanting that figure?  
  
Solidus Dumb Luck.... *smirks at Dave*  
  
Dave I knew you couldn't get Orlando Bloom to come to this Island....  
  
Solidus God forbid I give you competition...  
  
Dave Funny. Ha ha ha. Your not alone in the "I hate Dave" Department. Get in line...  
  
Hwoarang Yamazaki doesn't hate you.....  
  
Yamazaki Nah. Dave's cool. A bit on the weak side...  
  
Dave Well excuse me for not.... being.... all... OROCHI-ISH!!!  
  
Solidus Oh, so now we're gonna scream about the Orochi Blood....  
  
Lulu Solidus... we know your jealous...  
  
Solidus I am not!  
  
Lulu Kiss my ass... you so are too...  
  
Hwoarang What's the matter? Don't like not having flashy flames to throw around and burn peoples hair off with..?  
  
Lulu *screams* I TOLD YOU I WAS SORRY AND IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!! *pulls out her mallet and readies to hit the cowering Korean, but she is stopped when she sees a Cobra* Oooo.... snakey-wakey is so cute! *throws the mallet behind the desk where Solid is and dive tackles the Cobra*  
  
Solid P.....Pa....pain... *starts to get up, but he is hit by the mallet and is out like a light once more* Ughh...  
  
Hwoarang Should I.... take him to the Hospital?  
  
Lulu Uhhh..... what Hospital?  
  
Hwoarang Oh, right. Every cure used on this Island has to deal with Death, Leeches, Smoking blunts or taking acid.  
  
Solidus Oooo! Ooo! Can I kill him, Lulu!?  
  
Lulu RAWR! NO! YOUR PRINCESS HATH SPOKEN!!!  
  
Everybody but Solid ZOLTAN....! *hold their hands up above their heads like 'Z's*  
  
Lulu *pops a few unmarked pills in Solid's mouth and snickers*  
  
Solidus What did you give him?  
  
Lulu Ecstacy. *snickers*  
  
Hwoarang He's gonna be worse than those Ravers.  
  
Liquid Ravers are cool.  
  
Sniper No they're not. *rubs her eyes*  
  
Yamazaki Hung over?  
  
Sniper Yep....  
  
Yamazaki Vodka?  
  
Sniper No. Why in the name of God does everyone think I'm Russian? I'm from Iraq.  
  
Lulu Saddam..... hmmm...  
  
Sniper I did not back him. My parents were killed by him.  
  
Lulu Ya know.... we could take my new General Lee and go to Iraq and.... raise Hell?  
  
Yamazaki Like Bush wants, but is afraid to do?  
  
Dave *cracks knuckles* They're overdue for a change over there. I'm all for making Iraq a Democracy...  
  
Doorbell rings  
  
Liquid, Ocelot and Mantis DOORBELL!! WHOOHOO!! *all dive for the door, but fall dangerously short*  
  
Lulu *walks over and opens the door*  
  
Some random Iraqi guy Letter for one Lulu Snake?  
  
Lulu *swipes it and hands the Iraqi guy a few hundreds* Go buy yourself..... some stuff... *slams the door shut and looks at the letter*  
  
Liquid Ooo.... what's that?  
  
Lulu None of your business..... butthole...  
  
Mantis I'll take your mind! I am Psycho Mantis!  
  
Lulu Go eat some of my birthday cake, Slim. You look like an Ethiopian...  
  
Mantis That's sooooo not cool to say! But I'll hold back my Mind Taking on you until tomorrow, hoe!  
  
Lulu *mallets Mantis one handed while opening the letter* (I'm just gifted like that.... ^O~; )  
  
Liquid It's written in some funky writing....  
  
Lulu Iraqi, you retard...  
  
Sniper You can read that?  
  
Lulu I can do anything I want, remember?  
  
Everyone but Solid Riiiiight.  
  
Lulu Dear Lulu Snake, blah blah blah..... I love the way you run your Island..... blah blah blah.... I'm retiring and I want you to take over for me.... etc, etc.....  
  
Liquid You..... you read good!  
  
Lulu Ruby Heart, take down a letter....  
  
Ruby Heart Reow? *sits at a typewriter*  
  
Lulu Dear Saddam, I love how your my biggest fan, but you see, I couldn't possibly run a country I actually have to reform to make into a Democracy. Maybe you should have a talk with President Bush before you go deciding whom you'll be giving your country to. Yours Truly, Lulu Snake. Okay, now read it back to me, Ruby...  
  
Ruby Meow?  
  
Lulu Great. Now send that for me.  
  
Liquid You can understand a cat?  
  
Solid *blinks and then begins to freak out, grabbing Hwoarang and giving him a hug* I love you man...  
  
Hwoarang Oh, God! Lulu, maybe the E wasn't a good idea! Now Solid is acting like a homo!  
  
Lulu Home Surgery, you idiot....  
  
Yamazaki Huh?  
  
Lulu One of Hwoarang's sig moves....  
  
Hwoarang *performs 'Home Surgery' on Solid and sends him into a wall*  
  
Stan Oh my god, they killed Solid Snake!  
  
Kyle You bastards!  
  
Cartman Screw you guys, I'm going home...  
  
Stan You know, I learned something today.....  
  
Lulu Yeah, that Drugs suck...  
  
Kyle Yeah.... and Hwoarang kicks ass!  
  
Hwoarang *plays 'Kick the Baby' with Kyle's brother* Kick the Baby! *kicks him through a glass window*  
  
Lulu .;;; Goddamnit!  
  
Hwoarang Ummm... I wanna go home! End the show!  
  
Lulu Okay, the show is over! .;;;  
  
Transmission Interrupted  
  
Kazuya The pain! Stop with the hurting, nice lady! *mutters a bunch of gibberish as he gets repeatedly thwaped with a frying pan by Jun*  
  
Jun This is for passing on that horrid condition to our son! This one is for your father being a jerk! This is for abandoning me! This is for your father unleashing the Orge, therefore killing me!  
  
Kazuya *turns into a Woody Allen type* Listen.... it's just that... well, I didn't mean.... what I mean to say.... I never meant to let my Dad release that..... bad bad thing.... into the World...  
  
Jun *beats on Kazuya more, much more angry now than ever*  
  
Paul *walks in like John Wayne* What's with.... all the commotion in here? I'm.... tryin' ta sleep....!  
  
Kazuya *still Woody Allen* Ya see, Paul.... I mean.... Jun here is being very mean to me...  
  
Paul What's the matter..... Little Lady?  
  
Jun You! Stop bringing your Chinese whores into the house!  
  
Kazuya See? She's all upset...  
  
Paul I don't have any.... Chinese Whores....  
  
*Enter Brock from Pokemon, as Sylvester Stallone*  
  
Brock What's with the noise? I'm in there trying to court a lovely lady...  
  
Jun So it's you with the whores!  
  
Kazuya See? It's not.... what I mean to say is....  
  
Paul It's.... not me bringing in the whores, Pardner....  
  
Brock Why do I have to share a place with you guys anyhow?  
  
Paul Then why don't you..... move out?  
  
Kazuya Yeah... it's like..... if you don't want to stay with me and my Wife and Paul here.... then, what I mean....  
  
Jun *throws the frying pan at Kazuya* SHUT UP!!!  
  
*Enter Xiaoyu and Jin as Jesse and James from Team Rocket*  
  
Jin Prepare for trouble!  
  
Xaioyu Make it double!  
  
Jin To protect the world from devestation!  
  
Xiaoyu To unite all peoples within our Nation!  
  
Jin To denounce the evils of Truth and Love!  
  
Xiaoyu To extend our reach to the Stars above!  
  
Jin Jin!  
  
Xiaoyu Xaioyu!  
  
Jin Team Rocket blasting off at the speed of light!  
  
Xaioyu Surrender now or prepare to fight!  
  
Meowth *as Chris Rock* Meowth, that's right suckas!!!  
  
Paul Oh no..... it's.... *lifts his head* Team Rocket....  
  
Transmission Restored  
  
Narrator Next time on Metal Gear Coast to Coast!!!  
  
Lulu The next time Paul decides to take my Hummer anywhere, someone responsible had better be with him!!  
  
Paul *in a full body cast* I'm.... sorry...  
  
Lulu *punches his arm* Asshole!!!  
  
Paul *screams*  
  
Lulu Dave, where were you when Paul decided to do this?  
  
Dave You know exactly where I was..... I was buying you Midol....  
  
Lulu Oh, I forgot.... 


	6. Chapter Six: Crushed Hummers

Disclaimer: Metal Gear Solid NOR Space Ghost NOR FFX, NOR KoF, NOR anything else are my creations. Except for Myself (Lulu Snake), Dave, C.M. Crocker, Orlando Bloom (*drools all over keyboard* ^o^; ), Saddam Hussein (That fucking Bastard.), or any Bands, ( I LUV U X-JAPAN! XOXO). Those are real people and crap. Don't rip them off from me in a direct sense, or I'll have Big Boss and Solidus hurt you. And when I say 'Direct Sense', I mean using them the same way I did, or directly copying MY concept. 'Cause if that happened, Legs will be broken and Horseheads will be in beds. Ask my permission first!!! If you ask nicely, I'll gladly let you BORROW the concept...- Lulu "Snake" Leonhart.  
  
--------------------  
  
Orlando Bloom Thanks for having me as a guest...  
  
Lulu Teeheehehehe... anytime, Orlando!  
  
Solid Airhead...  
  
Dave *walks in* Oh, it's that show.... nevermind... *walks back out*  
  
Hwoarang ...... Lulu is acting worse than the time she went to that X- Japan concert and the lead singer and her sang that duet of "Kurenai".  
  
Lulu I have that on tape! Let's watch it!  
  
Hwoarang and Solid NO!!!  
  
Orlando You two are the biggest spoil sports.....  
  
Lulu *plays the tape and sighs* God Blessed Japan with one of the Greatest Rock bands ever....  
  
Hwoarang Korea is better.  
  
Solid You eat dog....  
  
Hwoarang So?  
  
Solid You eat dogs..... you know.... PETS!!!!  
  
Hwoarang At least we don't eat.... uhh.... ducks. o.o;  
  
Solid I don't eat duck...  
  
Lulu /\________________________/\; Orlando, do you want some Ice Cream?  
  
Hwoarang Yet you Americans seem to enjoy enslaving dogs to pull sleds!  
  
Solid WE DON'T EAT THEM!!!  
  
Yamazaki This could get ugly.... I think I'll start the show....  
  
Chapter 6 - Crushed Hummers  
  
Narrator On the other side of the Island in King's Island Illusion....  
  
Paul *hic* If Lulu weren't so powerful, I'd kick her ass....  
  
King Your..... drunk....  
  
Paul Gimme a'nother drink, sweetheart...  
  
Ryo Drunk or not..... *swats Paul in the back of the head* ...Don't talk to her like that!  
  
Paul Awww, man.... why'd ya hit me in the head...?  
  
Ryo *sweatdrops then runs*  
  
Paul *Grabs keys and chases him*  
  
Narrator Several hours later....  
  
Paul Ooohhh.... Lulu's gonna kill me....  
  
Dave Don't worry about it...  
  
Paul You don't understand.... her Hummer is totaled...  
  
Dave Your as good as dead when you get out of that cast....  
  
Paul I know...  
  
Dave No, seriously.... Orlando Bloom gave her that Hummer..  
  
Lulu *walks in, not looking too happy*  
  
Paul I'm....so.... so sorry....  
  
Lulu The next time Paul goes anywhere with my Hummer, someone responsible better be with him....!  
  
Paul *winces*  
  
Dave Lulu...  
  
Lulu Which one did you take? My Army one? The MI one?  
  
Paul Uhhh.... no.  
  
Lulu *comes to the point and screams* NOT THE ONE ORLANDO GAVE ME!  
  
Paul *visibly begins to shake in his full body cast*  
  
Lulu *laughs in a psychotic manner and cracks her knuckles* Oh..... the things I will do to you when your out of that cast...  
  
Dave I think it would be best to first cut off his Tab at King's.  
  
Lulu I think I should sell all the Marijuana he grows in his room...  
  
Paul GOD NO! NOT THAT! Lulu, please.... my dear, sweet Mary Jane is all that I love....  
  
Dave *chuckles* He loves the Herb more than any woman....  
  
Paul Mary Jane doesn't tell me to clean my room, keep the bathroom tidy, or tell me to mow the grass....  
  
Lulu Yeah, I tell you to do all that shit.... because you ain't livin' in my Estate without doing chores!  
  
Dave I only have to do the dishes on intervals with Hwoarang and change the cat litter.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Hwoarang Yeah, that old fool took the Hummer you gave to Lulu and he totaled it in a drunken rage.  
  
Orlando Oh, Hell. I have plenty of money. I'll just get her another one.  
  
Hwoarang Lord of the Rings is a big hit, huh?  
  
Orlando Yep..... it was worth wearing those ears.... now I have a fan that loves me more than her boyfriend...  
  
Hwoarang Lulu loves everyone.... just not equally. Even though she's down at the 'Hospital' yelling at Paul, she is thankful he is okay...  
  
Orlando You know her well.  
  
Hwoarang Not as well as Otacon does. He can give a two hour long lecture on Lulu, but he's grown tired of it. He has more important things to worry about...  
  
Orlando Oh, yeah. He's trying to get Nina's memories.  
  
Hwoarang Exactly. And he'd be far if it weren't for that bimbo Anna...  
  
Orlando It could be worse....  
  
Hwoarang Yeah.... Nina could be in it like Lulu...  
  
Orlando Liquid and Solid are knuckleheads...  
  
On another part of the Island...  
  
Liquid Hmmmm....  
  
Solid Hmmm....  
  
Liquid Are these strobe lights..... giving you a headache...?  
  
Solid Un-uh.... *stuffs a twenty into a strippers g-string*  
  
Back at the new Hospital...  
  
Dave Lulu.... take your pills...  
  
Lulu *stops yelling at Paul to take her pills* Now, as I was saying....  
  
Paul *sighs*  
  
Lulu My arms! Eeek! *touches her arm and moans*  
  
Paul Dave.... you gave her E?  
  
Dave She needed to shut up....  
  
Paul You know that since Lulu's sexdrive is like that of a teenage boy, she's gonna want sex...  
  
Dave That's the whole idea...  
  
Paul If I have to be witness to it....  
  
Dave No.... we're gonna go into another room....  
  
Paul Just keep it far from me.... I need a Joint.... *presses the "Call" button on the remote he got*  
  
Lulu and Dave *exit*  
  
Nurse *enters* Yes, Mr. Phoenix?  
  
Paul Roll me a Cheech and Chong blunt...  
  
Nurse Ofcourse, Sir. And whom should I charge this to?  
  
Paul To Dave...  
  
Nurse Okay, be right back...  
  
  
  
Narrator *sweatdrops* The situation gets sticky....  
  
Hwoarang Ewww.... enough sexual innuendo!  
  
Paul *is rolled up to the entrance to the Estate by a sexy nurse in a clevage exposing tight white dress. He is smoking a blunt that can barely fit into his mouth*  
  
Hwoarang All of a sudden, I wanna get a full body cast....  
  
Fat Man That can be arranged...  
  
Vamp I wanna keep him as a pet....  
  
Hwoarang *screams like a woman and runs for the hills, the Benny Hill theme music playing*  
  
Fat Man *skates after Hwoarang brandishing a rather large Baseball bat*  
  
Vamp *runs along after Fat Man, with a whip*  
  
Paul After them, my lovely Nurse!  
  
Nurse, who's name just happens to be Mary Jane *runs the wheel chair after the line of men running*  
  
Dave *looks outside the window to the front yard* o.o;  
  
Lulu *smokes a cigarette* Benny Hill chase! O.O!!!  
  
Dave *takes up Lulu's cigarette and puts it out in the ash tray as the woman dresses in a toga*  
  
Lulu *strikes a pose then runs out and joins the chase*  
  
Dave Oh, what the hell? *dresses up like Irvine and joins too*  
  
Orlando *chases as well, dressed up like Legolas*  
  
Narrator And so this chapter ends with the Zaniness of Lulu and her companions shown tride and true through a rip-off of the Benny Hill chase scene....  
  
Transmission Intercepted  
  
Jun I vant to be alone.... *sulks on a couch all Greta Garbo-like*  
  
Kazuya The.... ship! What.... am I to do?  
  
Paul *sweatdrops and blinks*  
  
Hwoarang The ship...! She canna take much more, Captain!  
  
Kazuya Paul.... what... should we do!?  
  
Paul Re-vectorate the discombobulator and--  
  
Transmission Interrupted  
  
Brak *dances* Friendship is like an ointment!  
  
Interrupted  
  
Butthead He said 'anus'.  
  
Beavis Heheh.... entertain us, anus....  
  
Interrupted  
  
Kazuya Paul... you saved..... the ship and crew.... once more!  
  
Paul Think nothing of it. It is my duty...  
  
Hwoarang Aye. Yer not an idiot like the Captain be....  
  
Director Cut!  
  
Kazuya I hate talking like Shatner....  
  
Paul Why do I have to be the smart guy?  
  
Director Hwoarang, your doing the accent all wrong.... you sound like a pirate...  
  
Jun Paul, your right. Your not even remotely close to being the character...  
  
Paul So? Oh, it's because I'm white!  
  
Jun No. Your just stupid.  
  
Kazuya *snickers* Yeah, and that's because your white...  
  
Director I thought we wouldn't start this crap again...  
  
Hwoarang I think I'm better just sticking to the Brak Show or something...  
  
Jun C. Martin Crocker couldn't fathom you being on the show.  
  
Kazuya I'd sooner kill myself than lower to the Brak Show.  
  
Mom Oh, now I wouldn't say that.  
  
Dad Mamma.... where is my Phone Book?  
  
Brak Here you go Dad.  
  
Dad Thank you, Brak.... now.... A STARING CONTEST!!!  
  
Kazuya Your on! *stares*  
  
Dad It is customary for the opponents to blink at one another in the begining of the contest...  
  
Kazuya I've seen that trick done!  
  
Mom Wow, he's better than Zorak....  
  
Brak Go, Dad, go!!  
  
Dad Your eyes are getting dry, Kazuya?  
  
Kazuya I'm.... just..... FINE!!!  
  
End Transmission 


End file.
